Contradictions

Why am I so full of contradictions?
In a way, I want to be comfortable and confident in the natural way I look
Wher as in  another, I secretly wish I could look be like some gorgeous women and carry myself like them

In one way, I want to be on my own
Where as in another, I wish I had someone I love deeply and deeply loved me as well

In one way, I want myself to grow and become better in every possible way
Whereas in another, I want to remain the same... unchanged... unaffected by the noises/trends/games in the world

In one way, I want to experience many new things in life..pool of unknowns
But in another, I want to stick to the safety of the known

In one way, I want to travel around the world and explore
But, in another, I freak out thinking of all the itineraries, packing and planning

In one way, I want to live independently on my own all my life
But in another way, I wish to have my own tribe as well

In one way, I want to stay focused and do the right thing for the long run
But in other, I feel like tipping and just do the opposite just for the momentary fun

In one way, I feel like I love myself
But in another, I find all the faults in myself and pin myself down

In one way, I want to to have loved truly
But in another, I am so afraid to love at all

In one way, I feel I don't post much of my personal life online
But in another, I feel I have nothing to show either...I'm probably just a boring person living life by some rules

In one way, I want to keep somethings just to myself
But in another, I want share them with the world like how I am sharing this with you

Why am I so full of contradictions?